we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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