Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
