you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
