and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize