Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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