Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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