Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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