There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
