Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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