I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
