I hate all girls vehemently.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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