Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
