Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's official drugs can't kill me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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