Just cropdusted the office
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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