I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
