Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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