I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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