Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
