Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
