oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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