3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
