The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
