I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
