When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
