i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
