I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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