I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
