are you still at the devil's house?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
