My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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