You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
