Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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