i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
