New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
