he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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