just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
