Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
