We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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