ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
