I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize