Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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