Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
