Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You smell like stripper and shame
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
