I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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