walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
