if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
