I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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