dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize