the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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