I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
