well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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