I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
