Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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