you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
