I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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