he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
