I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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