Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were trust falling into bushes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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