I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
