I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
