I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize