Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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