Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
