I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
