And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
