I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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