once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
