hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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