she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
