why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
