Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
