I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
