She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
