i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
