I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize