You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
