Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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