just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
third nipple confirmed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
