You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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